Morning Freewrite

I read somewhere that you’re supposed to write for 15-20 minutes each morning, kind of a stream of consciousness thing because your brain cant censor your thoughts until you’ve woken up a bit.

Well, I’ve already gotten up, taken out the trash, walked the dog and started the coffee, but I’m ridiculously tired, so it’s hard to tell what i’m gonna write.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was tired at, like, 9:00, but I messed around online for a bit and then just couldn’t fall asleep. I watched an episode of Intervention where the girl was addicted to pain meds. I’ve seen it before, but the whole time I was wondering if I should go to the Dr for some sleeping pills. Ironic, huh, that a show about addiction would make me want to get a prescription. Weird.

When I wake up in the mornings the first thing I do is go through my day. All the stuff I have to do. All the stuff that I don’t want to do. Today it’s 2 meetings at work and a concert tonight. It should be fun, but in the meantime I have to clean up my house and try to actually be PRODUCTIVE at work… on 4 hours of sleep. Thus the coffee.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do with my life. I didn’t apply for that job in time. Id like to say it was a conscious decision, but it was based on two things 1) my lack of motivation and 2) my lack of a printer. But, in all honesty, I’m not sure a new job in the same town is really gonna help matters. I’m feeling trapped. I wonder if this is how my dad felt all those years.

The more and more I think about it, the more I’m like my dad. That’s scary. My friend asked me the other day if my brother got any of my dad’s “bad” qualities. At the time I wasn’t offended by the question. I actually answered it honestly, but now I kinda think it was a strange thing to say. Hmmm….

Book club was last night. It was nice, albeit a bit dorky. I was starving and I’m sure I overate, but that ice cream pie Kurt brought was TDF. I’m hoping to get some REAL reading done this weekend. I’m trying to get into On the Road. I really WANT to like it. I’m hoping it will insipire me for my summer road trip. Which I think I have mapped out, but I need to decide if I’m taking Roxie or not. She would keep me company, but might also hold me back. Who knows. Maybe I won’t do it.

I’m stressed about the car thing, too. I don’t really like the new one. I want something sportier. But I’m not sure I want a car payment either. Maybe I should just pay this one off and trade it in. That would make sense. In which case, I probably shouldn’t take it on vacation. Keep the miles low.

Well, it’s been 15 mins and this is the end of the road. I think there’s *maybe* one insight in this whole blazing mess. And it’s not exactly an original insight, but whatever. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow. Tomorrow is my day off, during which I’m supposed to get some stuff done that I’ve been procrastinating about. I don’t even have a clear idea what the “stuff” is that I need to do. Other than a hair appointment that I haven’t made. I’ll probably just be hungover.